"Why, sometimes Ive believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." Alice in Alice in Wonderland

Well, the "impossible" happened Friday in Utah.  Gay couples lined up to get marriage licenses and were getting married right on the spot.  It is safe to say that most Americans did not think this was even a remote possibilty.  Yet, Robert J. Shelby, a very brave federal judge, made it possible.  History marches on, despite narrow minds, and bigotry.   Justice and equality triumph again!  I do know that the majority of citizens in Utah are against gay marriage.  Governor Herbert has already said he will fight the decision and the fight has begun in the courts already.  He argues that 66% of Utahns believe marriage is between one man and one woman.  That is just fine, but irrrelevant.  If 66% of Alabamans thought slavery was a great institution should we have left it in place?  Honest people, know the answer is obvious.

I think everyone has the right to their beliefs whether I like them or not.  However, those beliefs, many of which are religious based, have no place in policy.  Allowing gay couples to marry and have the rights to all the benefits that go along with marriage, is called equality!  It is a major tenet of our nation.  The LDS Church does not have to marry gay couples.  The Church can continue along just as it always has.  However, it has no right to influence law and make others follow its rules.  We do not live in a theocracy, much as it looks like it sometimes.

The fight over this decision is a waste of valuable resources.  Utah will spend loads of money on a fight they will not win.  We have so many pressing issues in this state - sub par education, horrible air quality, poverty etc.  Wouldn't it be better to use funds to solve these issues for our citizens.  A lot of couples were married over the last few days and their lives are happier. What harm was really done?
The "institution of marriage"  was made stronger not weaker!

I am thrilled that the "impossible" happened Friday!   I feel sorry for those who cannot share in that happiness.  My life is better today because other's lives are better!  Love wins and the "impossible" looks beautiful!  Hope is high and I can't wait to see the next "impossible" event.  Maybe, just maybe, peace on Earth!  When pigs fly you say, when hell freezes... Well check this out my friends

  

I want a fucking car, right fucking now! Steve Martin in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

That scene from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles is one of the funniest scenes I have ever seen.  I highly recommend you watch it again if you need a good laugh.  (youtube.com?watch/v=nWRxPDhd3d0)
If we are being honest, we have all felt that kind of frustration and have certainly wanted to behave just like Martin did.  Sometimes, there really is no better word than fuck!  Having said that, I know two things.  One, the word may be highly offensive to many, including most of the Mormons here in Utah.  And two, the word is over used and is not funny just for the sake of saying it.  Teenage and twenty something people use it far too often, my son included!  I have asked him on several occasions to limit it in his vocabulary, but so far my requests have fallen on deaf ears.  I do hope he will outgrow the habit!

The reason I am  writing about it today, has to do with an incident at my son's men's basketball league.  Apparently, David fumbled the ball and lost it out of bounds.  In frustration, David was angry with himself and muttered something along the lines of "Are you fucking kidding me?"  The referee heard it and tee'd him up and he was forced to sit for 10 minutes.  He may have deserved the technical and he understood it!  That is not the issue here.  At half time, he approached the referee and tried to apologize.  He put his hand on the ref's shoulder and said he was sorry and did not mean to offend him.  The ref said "Get your hands off me now!"  David said he looked at him as if he was dirt on the bottom of his shoe.  My son thinks he is a badass, but is actually pretty sensitive.  This guy really hurt his feelings and made him angry.  When he told me about it, he said "Mom I am so tired of being judged by people in this state.  I was trying to apologize and he treated me like I was a terrible person.  I can't wait to get out of here!"

Again, I may need to repeat for the judgmental folk out there, that David should not have used that language and he tried to apologize for it.  What was unfair, but typical was the way he was treated afterward.  I understand that this word is offensive to some and I can respect that.  Yet, I will never respect treating people in a cruel manner.  If this referee has never heard this word before, then he is new to the job.  It is bantered about on the court all over, including in Utah and not just by non-Mormons.  It is not the best way to handle frustration, but it absolutely does not make you a bad  person!

My son is a great kid and this incident really bothered him.  He checked into the league rules and found the policy.  He was pretty taken a back by what he discovered.  Here is his facebook post,

"So this a official rule in my mens league:

“F-Word Rule”: Any player, coach or bench personnel that say the four letter “F-word” loud enough to be heard by the referee(s), score keeper and/or game personnel will be ejected from the current game and the next 2 games

Ummm excuse me, this is a mens league, not a kindergarten class. Only in Utah would this rule even exist. What exactly is the "4 letter f word", FART? FOUL? Aren't we adults here? In my family I was raised to not use the "3 letter f word" which gets said constantly in this state and no one seems to mind. You know the one that actually offends an individual. But by all means go out of your way to make some B.S. rule for a word that gets flung around all sports by ALL types of people, not just us "sinners"."

I love this!  He actually does listen to his mother!  We never use derogatory terms about other people's race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. in our home.  That is the kind of language that we find offensive and is never tolerated.  All my son's friends know this fact and have learned to respect it. Yet, the reality is that the community we live in tolerates these slurs all the time and at all levels.  Religion may curtail what they think is "foul" language, but I would argue that the other words are far more offensive and hurtful!  So, judge me and my family as you choose.  I am comfortable with how we behave and who we are.  If you don't like it, then you, my friend, and I mean this with love in my heart, can fuck right off!

"Without hope, life's not worth living." Harvey Milk

What a wonderful and historic day!  I was a teenager in the Bay Area when Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man ever to hold public office in California began his crusade for gay rights in San Francisco.  He called on gay men and women to come "out of the closet" and let their families, friends, and communities know them.  He lost his life in this fight, but I believe that he would be so very proud today!  The Supreme Court struck down DOMA and although this hardly ends discrimination against the LGBTQ community, it is certainly a huge step forward!  I am proud of all the Americans who stepped into this fight and am inspired that the torch lit by Harvey Milk continues to glow brightly despite the bigotry of many in our country.  As I have often said, history marches on, and equality wins out every time regardless of the backwards institutions that try to stem the tide of progress and fairness.  Unfortunately, I live in a state that is light years behind on these issues and will probably remain so for quite a while.  But, like Harvey Milk, today I have hope for the future of our nation.  That hope brings me joy and at this moment that is enough!  Cheers!  Celebrate equality today!

"Elementary, my dear Watson." Sherlock Holmes

Certain things seem elementary to me...things like basic human rights and kindness.  I also thought that separation of church and state was pretty basic and not too difficult to understand.  Here in Utah, that basic concept does not exist.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has a say in everything.  I don't just mean everything about the church or its followers, I mean everything that happens in this state.  The Utah state legislature is over 90% LDS and it seems their members rarely think for themselves. The Mormon church weighs in on all issues and if they don't give their approval it simply will not happen.  I want to scream and pull my hair out after I read articles stating how the Church either approved or disappoved of an issue and that influenced the outcome of the vote in the legislature.  The blatant disregard of law by this body is repugnant.
 
I was, however, impressed to read an Op Ed last week by Republican and Mormon senator Stephen Urquhart.  He sponsored a non-discrimination bill that would outlaw housing and employment discrimination based on sexual identity and orientation.  Yes,  that is still very legal in Utah.  Of course it is, as you all know the church's stance on homosexuality.  This church has gone to great lengths and spent big dollars to withhold rights from the gay community in Utah and other states, most notably California.  I applaud Mr. Urquhart's bravery and wish there were others who would stand up for what is clearly elementary!  No one should be discriminated against!

Sadly, today's paper had an article, "Anti-discrimination bill for gays appears dead for 2013 session". Apparently, there are just not enough votes to get it passed.  Here is a direct quote from the article, "Advocates from the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community had negotiated for more than a year with leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to try to win support for the legislation."  You see,  this unlawful influence is not even a secret.   This is just sad and pathetic.  It displays bigotry and I cannot believe that we Utahns accept it.

So another year goes by and discrimination against a group of Utahns is still legal.  For now, the only elementary thing is that we have to pander to a Church that thinks not all people have the same rights.        It is time for everyone, LDS or not, to stand up for others.  The LDS church will not get the respect of the nation or the world until it is able to put aside bigotry and judgement.  The Church was 14 years behind in granting rights to their black members, I hope they will not lag that far behind on this equality issue.

"Say hello to my little friend." Tony Montana in Scarface

Yesterday's headline read, "Guns front and center on the Hill".  Of course, they are.  The population of this state loves their guns!  I am always about full disclosure, so I must admit I don't own any guns, and I don't understand some people's obsession with them.  Having said that, I also have many friends who are gun owners and I don't have any desire to "take their guns away".  I understand the second amendment and am very aware that it is here to stay.  I do, however, believe in sensible gun legislation along with better access to mental health treatment to deal with the violence that pervades current society.  I fully understand we cannot stop all crimes, but we still have laws and many of them are quite successful in curbing behavior that endangers members of our society.  Mothers Against Drunk Driving did not throw their arms in the air and proclaim they would never be able to stop everyone from ever getting in a car after drinking.  Instead, they fought hard for sensible legislation which has had a significant effect on drunk driving violations and accidents.  Those are the facts!  I realize, some of you don't deal in a factual world because as Stephen Colbert so eloquently said, "reality has a well-known liberal bias."

Anyway, enough pontificating!  Here in Utah, our legislators are busy making it easier to access guns.  One bill would allow Utahns to carry a concealed weapon without a permit.  Another would allow local law enforcement to arrest federal agents who attempt to seize guns from Utah residents.  February 20th became known as "Gun Day" on Utah's Capitol Hill.  Super!  I may have mentioned we have an embarrassing public education system and virtually unbreathable air, but our legislators have more pressing items to discuss.  After all, in March 2011 Utah became the first U.S. state to name an official state gun,  the Browning Model 1911 automatic pistol.  I guess I shouldn't be too worried...the poor air quality will probably make me too sick to even notice the guns.  That is  until, some person who should have gotten a back round check before being sold a gun shoots up another mall, theater, or school. Way to go legislators for yet another "bang up" day on the hill.  








  

"Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking...don't they?" Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz

 

When Dorothy asks the scarecrow how he can speak if he does not possess a brain, he simply replies, "Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking..don't they?"  Here in Utah some of the loudest people are easily the most brainless.  Ok, I am just going to say it...Gayle Ruzicka is an idiot!  She is constantly spewing her bigoted and ridiculous nonsense to anyone who will listen.  Unfortunately, our state legislators listen a lot.  Of course, most of the time I think their skulls are filled with straw too so that is not surprising.

For those of you outside the state, Gayle Ruzicka is president of the Utah Eagle Forum, a conservative interest group. She and the Eagle Forum are quite influential in Utah politics.  Here are a few tidbits taken directly off the Eagle Forum website:

We support constitutional amendments and federal and state legislation to protect the institution of marriage and the equally important roles of father and mother.We honor the fulltime homemaker and her rights in joint income tax returns.

We oppose the feminist goals of stereotyping men as a constant danger to women, while at the same time pushing women into military combat against foreign enemies.

Eagle Forum successfully led the ten-year battle to defeat the misnamed Equal Rights Amendment with its hidden agenda of tax-funded abortions and same-sex marriages.

We oppose and deplore the dumbing down of the academic curriculum through fads such as Outcome-Based Education and courses in self-esteem, diversity, and multiculturalism.

We oppose liberal propaganda in the curriculum through global education and Political Correctness

We oppose the feminist goal of federally financed and regulated daycare.

Ruzicka and some Republican legislators have been vocal about their opposition to the International Baccalaureate program, an academically rigorous program offered at some Utah high schools.  This program is highly regarded and educates students to compete in a global economy. The program was developed in Geneva, Switzerland in the mid 1960's so clearly it is "foreign" and therefore dangerous and bad. I believe some critics have actually used the word "anti-American."  What nonsense!

Utah's public education system is mediocre at best.   When my son was invited to an awards ceremony honoring his outstanding academic achievements in high school, he refused to attend.   I asked him why and he explained that he had not really worked very hard and certainly did not deserve to be honored for anything he did in high school.  I wish I would have been more educated about the International Baccalaureate  program and that I had given both my children an opportunity to experience such a challenging and diverse curriculum.  Thank goodness my kids are bright and have gone on to be successful college students despite the substandard experiences they had in high school.

In today's newspaper, Paul Rolly, a regular Tribune columnist wrote, "Conservatives:  You have I.B. grads in your midst!"  No....say it isn't so!  Rolly does a great job poking fun at Ruzicka and the straw brained legislators who agree with her.  What an enjoyable read!   Thank you Mr. Rolly for making me laugh this morning.  All day I have envisioned Mrs. Ruzicka sitting in a corn field quietly singing...

"I would not be just a nuffin'

My head all full of stuffin'

My heart all full of pain

I would dance and be merry

Life would be a ding-a-derry

If I only had a brain..."

 

"But why is the rum gone?" Jack Sparrow

Saturday's newspaper had a couple giggle producers.  The first was an article titled, "Bill: Once and for all, you can order drink before food."   The article tries to clarify the confusion which has erupted recently over whether or not it is illegal to order   alcohol before food.  You see, it would seem Utah lawmakers have a lot of time on their hands as they are " considering a bill to clarify Utah liquor laws to make it clear diners are allowed to look at menus while sipping alcoholic beverages without placing an order of food."  Scandalous I know...

On another note, the front page headline read, "Having a baby?  Wait for good air".  I mentioned the air quality here in Salt Lake City in my last blog.  It is literally so bad here that doctors are recommending when it is healthiest to try and conceive a child.  The president of Utah Physicians for a Healthy Environment actually is quoted as saying, "get out of Salt Lake City to conceive."  This is certainly disturbing news for anyone who lives here and considers breathing important.  Yet, our state legislators are quite busy with other pressing matters such as when I can or cannot order a drink in a restaurant.  As much as I enjoy a glass of wine or a cocktail, I am actually more concerned about the horrible air I am breathing.  Oh well, while I am driving less to do my part for better air quality I am also quite sure I can't make any profound changes on my own.  I just opened the liquor cabinet...thank goodness my rum is not gone!

"I'll be back...."

Yes, I am finally back. It has been well over a year since I blogged. I needed a break! My experience with the morning talk show set me back as far as writing. I was so frustrated when I last wrote and felt a bit like my voice would never be heard by the people in Utah. Frankly, I felt that the predominant culture really couldn't care less whose feelings they hurt and were perfectly comfortable with the status quo. During that break a lot has changed for my family. Gratefully, we no longer reside in Draper. We are living in a great area in Sugar House and are unbelievably happier with our surroundings. We have friendly neighbors and enjoy a thriving city life. For the most part, we are free of the Mormon suburban judgement that plagued our daily life for six years and that is a very good thing!
A friend reminded me of this blog the other day and so I decided to get back to it. I still have a lot to say about Utah, and sadly I usually say it to myself every morning as I sip my coffee and read the local paper. Not a day goes by that something does not either infuriate me or make me laugh out loud. Utah is the gift that keeps on giving if you are looking for the crazy, strange, and ridiculous! I thought I may try a new approach and share my morning with you instead of just talking to myself. I am hoping maybe some of you will respond. If I have to start answering myself I fear that may mean this place has finally affected the state of my mental health.
So here goes... Yesterday's Salt Lake Tribune had an article on the front page entitled, "Utahns launch a sticky-note protest of S.I. swimsuit issue."...Pause for laughter and a moment for your chin to return to normal position... According to the article, co-founders of a Utah non-profit, Beauty Redefined, are trying to fight what they deem as negative female body images. They are trying to accomplish this task by placing "stylized sticky notes" over the images in Sports Illustrated current swimsuit edition. I realize you are still laughing but seriously I am not making this shit up. The article also reports that some fans of Beauty Redefined went to a Barnes and Noble bookstore "armed" with these sticky notes and proceeded to work their way through a stack of these magazines. The store manager was apparently displeased and asked them to leave the store.

We have a lot of important issues to deal with in Utah. We rank 50th in the nation in education spending and our air quality is abysmal. But fear not..."sticky note activism" is on the job!

"Forget about it Jake - It's Chinatown."

Earlier this week the producer of a local television show came across my blog and asked if I would be willing to be on the show for a segment about raising non LDS kids in Utah.We'll be talking (honestly) about raising non-LDS kids in Utah." she wrote. I must admit I was thrilled to have an opportunity to finally express to a wide audience the challenges my family and so many others face on a daily basis. The day before the show, I requested an agenda so I could be prepared for our discussion. The segment was to be only 6 minutes and I wanted to be sure I could fairly and succinctly express my experiences. When I received the agenda I was shocked!!!!! The topics to be discussed included(and I quote):

"--the religious saturation is not unique to Utah"

"--get the LDS perspective on interaction between groups"

"--talk about the benefits of the LDS culture"

I was a bit confused to say the least. Remember, this segment was meant to be 6"honest" minutes about raising non LDS kids in Utah. I was flabbergasted that we could not go just 6 minutes without having to give the LDS perspective. Don't we Utahns get that every day?

And although there are benefits of the LDS culture which I have written about here in this blog, I don't think that belongs in this very short segment. So.... I called the producer and shared my concerns and said I really was not interested in participating in the discussion if this was the direction she wanted to go. She was very nice, and explained that they were just concerned about this being one sided and so the panel would include one of their other producers who was LDS. What??? Should I be on a panel about raising kids with disabilites? I think not as I don't personally have any experience in that area. To ask an LDS mother about raising non-LDS kids is comical!!!! It was clear there was not going to be anything "honest" about this round table.

The next day I watched the segment in hopes that maybe I was wrong about the shows intentions. Sadly, the 6 minutes were what can only be described as "fluff" which portrayed the issue as almost a non existent problem. If us outsiders just go to Primary and LDS camp we will be just fine and accepted by our neighbors. What a load of crap! It is so sad that this show was afraid to be "honest" and inform people how hurtful some behavior can be.

My desire to go on the show was never to say anything bad about LDS people - it was only to educate them that sometimes outsiders have hurt feelings about exclusion and judgements whether intentional or not. If they could have focused on those issues maybe some changes could take place. Instead, as usual, the issue was glossed over and down played. I felt sick after I watched the show! Still I was relieved I had not participated. First of all, I would have looked like an idiot as my mouth would have been hanging open and my eyes bulging. Secondly, anything I might have said would have looked like I was putting a damper on the perfect world these people described.

Anyway, I guess for now Utah society will continue to ignore others and their feelings and opinions. Maybe that will never change...

Forget about it Jill - it's Utah!

"How Dare You! She's a Nice Lady!"

Today's Op Ed section in the Salt Lake Tribune included a typical self rightious letter from yet another judgemental Utahn. Have a read:

Unhealthy "Idol" Music

"I watched the recent finale of “American Idol,” and I am happy about the two finalists Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina. Both are winners in my eyes, for their music and wholesome personalities.

Nevertheless, I was shockingly abused by much of the emotionally unhealthy music presented during the show, and by all the immodesty and erotic dancing. I hope Americans realize that immodesty is visual profanity.

“American Idol” blocks out verbal profanity. Sure wish it’d have the sense to block out the visual profanity, erotic dancing and unhealthy music.

Better yet, I wish it forbid them in the first place.

“American Idol” is as out of control in its moral values as Congress is in its deficit spending! '"

Merlin Ross
Sandy

Really???? How many judgements can one human being make in a few paragraphs. I do agree that both Scotty and Lauren are lovely young people with loads of talent and I also enjoyed their "wholesome personalities". However, that is where Mr. Ross and I part ways. He was "shockingly abused"??? How exactly was he abused??? Last time I checked he could change the channel on his television set anytime. I guess someone must have had him chained to his couch and made him watch the "emotionally unhealthy music...immodesty and erotic dancing". Just curious...what exactly is emotionally unhealthy music???

Mr. Ross believes immodesty is "visual profanity". Huh??? I suppose he must be an authority on what is "immodest". The beehive state loves to spout that "Modest is Hottest" and is often critical of those who choose clothing with bare shoulders or exposed thighs. Clothing is a personal choice and it really is not appropriate nor nice for others to make assumptions about someone based on those choices.

Mr. Ross also claims the show had "erotic dancing". He must be referring to Jennifer Lopez and Lady Gaga. Both performances were fabulous in my opinion and I don't expect Mr. Ross to agree - that is what makes the world an interesting place. What I do find offensive is his moral judgement of these artists. Anyone who has watched Idol this season has seen that Jennifer Lopez is an overwhelming kind and caring human being. Furthermore, anyone who knows anything about Lady Gaga also knows she is abundantly generous and loving to ALL her fellow men and women. It seems clear whom is behaving badly and it is not any of the women on American Idol. So, I say to you Mr. Merlin Ross,

"HOW DARE YOU!!! SHE IS A NICE LADY!!!!"

"Are You Talkin To Me"

I have never understood the habit of name calling in our society. When people don't agree or don't like something it is all too common to use derogatory labels in reference to the supposed offender. It is unfortunate how often I witness this ugly behavior from young people here in Utah. I am constantly reminding the teenagers who come into my home not to say "that is so gay" when they refer to something they don't like or think is stupid. Most of them are fairly well trained by now - at least at my house. However, recently I have had to call them out for their consistent use of the word "Jew" when addressing my kids. I see it on their facebooks and yearbooks and hear kids address them by their name followed by "Jew". My kids don't like it and neither do I. Why is this necessary? Why do we have to put labels on people who are different? We don't say "Hey Joe- Mormon - would you like a slice of pizza?" That would be silly, not to mention rude - yet it is how my children are addressed quite often and I have finally had it with this ridiculous behavior.

I am motivated by the recent commercials put out by http://www.thinkb4youspeak.com/ which are a fabulous public service and point out how insulting words can be. They directly address the term "that is so gay". I hope the message will go even farther in illustrating that labeling and name calling in general is hurtful. For too long, we have all accepted these sayings as harmless behavior. I choose to confront those who use terms that are hurtful to any particular group even when it is not my group. I hope I can be rational and calm in my discussions - but honestly there are days when I feel just like De Niro

"ARE YOU TALKIN" TO ME???"

"There's No Crying in Baseball!!!"

Much has been said about the roles of men and women in society. Here in Utah, I have found that women are defined by their specific place in their family and community. Much of that identity has been advocated by the Mormon Church’s beliefs about the woman’s duties as wife and mother. As a woman who gave up her career 20 years ago to stay at home with my two children, I clearly do not have a problem with choosing those roles instead of a career. My objection is that those who make different choices may be criticized for them. In many ways, Utah is decades behind in women’s issues.

I remember one evening a few months after we moved to Draper, a man knocked on my door wanting me to purchase groceries from his home delivery service. I kindly told him I was not interested and he replied, “Why don’t I come back when your husband is home and speak with him about it.” Excuse me!!! My husband has no interest in those decisions and the idea that somehow I could not make any decision without him was insulting. I told this salesman so and he just looked at me like I had appeared out of some futuristic movie where women had a voice in their own lives.

Last week while substituting at an elementary school here in Draper, I attended an assembly to encourage students to participate in the “Fun Run” to raise money for the school. To add to the excitement, 2 BYU football players came to speak. While I am not a BYU fan, I think having players from a local college team speak to students is a great idea. Kids love to see them and imagine themselves someday in those uniforms. However, this assembly was about more than just the “Fun Run” and I was astounded and offended by the comments from these players.
First of all, in their bios which were on the big screen in the gym was information about where they had served their two year missions. Why is that important? Would it be relevant in a public school to say where you had your Bar Mitzvah? I think not!!!! One of the players even spoke about how great it was to teach the Gospel for two years. Good to know, but inappropriate in a public school where like it or not, not everyone has plans to go on a mission. Remarkably, this commentary was not as objectionable as what was about to follow.

This young man proceeded to talk about the goals he had as a child in elementary school and to encourage fitness in all the young people listening. Fantastic right??? He spoke about his goal of getting good enough to bounce a basketball a couple hundred times without stop. Sounds great! Here comes the zinger – so he says you should set similar kinds of goals and “girls – you could learn to do the splits or something”. I literally almost fell off my chair. Had I entered some sort of time machine and been transported back to the 1950’s – nope I am just in Utah. Seriously, my daughter can bounce a basketball better and longer than most of the boys she knows. What the hell was this kid implying?

All I know is I am glad my children were not raised in a place where “heroes” are presented to them at school and then they are subtlety told that they cannot be like them because they are different. Is this the message the public schools want to give to their young students? I hope not, but frankly, this assembly said that if you are sitting out there and you are not of our faith or our gender than you will not be one of us. I wanted to take my little first graders back to class and tell them that is untrue, but I could not do that for several reasons. First of all, I doubt I would be asked to substitute there again and secondly I can’t honestly say that if they are different they will not be treated unfairly by their friends and community. I left school that day very angry and heartbroken.

Yes, boys and girls are different. People are all different! So what. Why must we stick to certain roles just because we are in a certain group? I challenge my daughter to be athletic and challenge my son to dance. I hope my daughter is strong and my son is sensitive. I hope to see them choose their own roles, both traditional and non traditional. I do not want them to have limits based upon their gender or their faith. I want them to be happy and free to choose their own path. I want them to embrace who they are and their differences. So, why can't we can just accept all people where they are and maybe, just maybe even "crying in baseball" would not be so terrible after all.

"Snap Out of It!!"

It has been quite some time since I have written here and most of my followers may have stopped checking in on this page. Sadly, I am inspired today by some very disturbing events at Alta High School. My daughter graduated from Alta two years ago. Alta is a good school with many excellent teachers and staff. As a result of the 58 college units she earned there, my daughter will be able to graduate from college in 3 years. I am grateful for her high school education. However, she was very unhappy at Alta. She was often treated badly by her fellow students because she was not a part of the predominant culture. Some teachers and staff also added to her alienation. Almost daily, she heard negative remarks about her differences and it was extremely hurtful. Her yearbook is full of comments about her being “a Jew”. Of course, everyone would say they were not meant to hurt her or to be negative yet they still felt the need to point out she was not like them. Her experience led my younger son to attend a different high school in hopes he would have a better experience.

When I heard about the current racial tensions at Alta I was not surprised. For those of you unfamiliar with the recent events here is a brief synopsis. At an assembly to show school spirit each grade level was to wear a different color to display their school pride. The junior class was designated white. One student chose to wear a white pillowcase over his head with eyeholes cut out. The pillowcase resembled a KKK hood and this same student was apparently making the Heil Hitler sign as he paraded around. This action was upsetting for many students especially one biracial young man who took his concerns to the administration and the blogosphere. Since these events, racial tensions have flared. Text messages are circulating at Alta with KKK and Nazi symbols which read “Alta Pride”. Sides have been drawn and it is an ugly environment. Extra police have been called to campus to ensure safety.

It is time for these issues to be dealt with by the school. I strongly support Dr. Doty and his push to educate students about the dangers of bigotry. This is indeed a great teaching moment!!! However, at a meeting this morning at Alta, I heard parents and staff complain that this incident has been totally “overblown”. Many feel it was a harmless prank and are outraged. Hate symbols can never be seen as harmless and hearing people say so this morning brought me to tears. It is easy to say something is harmless when it is not directed at you. Too many Utahns think their way is the only way and do not take kindly to others pointing that out. If the KKK had strung up a few Mormon missionaries from a tree, we all know white sheets would be outlawed in this state. For example, at one middle school, a student wore a T-shirt which read, “Choose the Left”, a play on the LDS “CTR” meaning choose the right. This student was sent home and could not wear the shirt again. So, it is not OK to say I am different – I do not belong to the predominant culture, but donning a symbol of hate publicly is just a harmless joke by teenagers who don’t know any better. I call “BS!!!!”

Discrimination is alive and well here in the Beehive state and that is clear by reading the horrible things many in the community are saying about the biracial young man and anyone who supports him. Racial slurs are abundant and he is being called a liar. I hope he remembers that change only happens when someone stands up for what is fair and right. I applaud this young man and all those who stand behind him. Their courage will be worth the backlash. If this incident enlightens even a few then progress has been made. I believe to the bottom of my toes that we can do better and we will if more people speak out. For those of you, who choose to keep your head in the sand or who belittle this incident know this – change is coming to Utah whether you like it or not. So here is a little piece of advice -

“Snap out of It!!!!”

"May The Force Be With You!"

Here in this beautiful beehive state, “the force” is most definitely the Mormon church. If “the force” is with you, life here is easier and more comfortable. Many people in the state find it necessary to know who is on the side of “the force”. Sadly, some of these same people will judge outsiders as being on “the dark side”. The current controversy over an anti-Bob Bennett mailer is a perfect reflection of this strange division in Utah society. The flier showed republican candidate Mike Lee’s photo above the Salt Lake City Mormon Temple and Bob Bennett’s photo over the United States Capitol building with the caption “Which candidate really has Utah values?” The mailer did not come directly from Mike Lee’s campaign, but in my opinion that is irrelevant. Here are the facts: although people were apparently offended by the flier, it worked! Bob Bennett will not be on the ballot this fall. You see, Utah values are Mormon values and separation of church and state is non-existent in my current home.

Rules and laws in other states do not apply here. LDS seminary is part of the public school day. My husband gets calls from job recruiters on a regular basis and many ask him if he has a “temple recommend”. For you outsiders, this translates, “Are you a Mormon in good standing with the Church?” Now, close your mouths, I know you think that is illegal, but not here in Utah. All things in Utah, lead to “the force”! If you have “the force” behind you, you are “in” – with your neighbors, your companies, your schools, etc. If, however, “the force” is not with you it is harder to find your way in just about every aspect of society.

Recently, “the force” decided to give a nod to the Salt Lake City Council and allow it to make it illegal to discriminate against the gay community in housing and employment. If “the force” had not given their approval the city would still be in the dark ages as far as that basic civil right. I am grateful to the Mormon Church for finally taking that position and hope the “the force” remains on the moral and just side of all Utah citizens.

My family navigates through life without the powers of “the force”. We are happy and appreciate the positive aspects of our life in Utah. Along the way, we may even have convinced a few people that we are not on “the dark side”. As Utah adjusts to more diversity, the long standing battle may subside. We have to accept that one side is not more important than the other, nor more right than the other. People are just different and that should really be OK as long as no one is getting hurt on either side of the issue.

I hold out hope that Utah will not always judge people by their religion. However, until that time,

“May the force be with you!”

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Yoda

I love children, or at least I thought I did until I started substitute teaching a few months ago. I may reevaluate my opinion. I used to teach middle school before I had children, and I loved it! I had a federal grant to teach in a low income area in San Jose, California. It was a challenging job, but I thought it was wonderful. I adored most of the kids, and I was more than their teacher. In fact, many days I wasn’t a “teacher” at all. I felt more like a social worker, mother, police officer, counselor, and therapist all wrapped into one.

So, after 19 years away from the classroom, I thought I would give it another try. I started substituting at local middle schools. It was a horrible! I am not a stranger to adolescent behavior. But, I was shocked that these kids from middle and upper middle class white and mostly Mormon families were so unbelievably disrespectful. Somewhere along the way, their parents had skipped the lessons on how to behave towards their fellow students and their teachers. For me, it was another display of the hypocrisy in this state. The very judgmental community I live in needs to take a look in the mirror.

I am now substituting at the elementary level and it is a bit better. However, every day I am reminded in some manner that I am still an outsider in this community. Every day, whether I am in a kindergarten class or a sixth grade class, a student will ask,

“Are you a BYU fan or a Utah fan?”

Of course, that is kid code for “Are you Mormon or not?” My answer is always the same.

“I am from California, so I am not a fan of either, but I love the San Francisco Forty Niners.”

BINGO!!!!

They all get very excited as Steve Young played for the 49ers and I am "in" without really answering their question. This answer gives me an instant connection with the majority of the class and being an outsider connects me with the others in the classroom. Who knew that defining myself in this manner would be so important to children.

So, many things have happened over the last few months that are both funny and strange. When I start the day in a new classroom, I try to get to know the students quickly and ask them to share something about themselves, they think I will remember. Well, kids do say the darndest

things, so here goes:

“My name is Brigham, and I get my brains from Jesus.”

“My name is Dallin and I am named after a prophet.”

“My name is Joseph and I am a future missionary.”

Get the picture – religion is important to these kids and it is an accepted part of the public schools. Now I have nothing against religion being important to anyone, I just find it unusual that it is talked about in school so openly.

I was in a kindergarten classroom last week and two boys were literally grilling another boy about his religion. One little boy meanly questions,

“Do you go the church with this? (the boy makes the sign of the cross with his fingers)

“Why aren’t you Mormon?”

Another five year old chimes in,

“I am Mormon!!”

I put a stop to this little conversation as the poor little boy who worshipped elsewhere was about to burst into tears. I have heard stories like this so many times from people I know, but had never truly witnessed it. I am saddened that such young children are taught to tease and fear kids who are different. I hope that regular classroom teachers put a stop to this as I did, but I am truly not confident!

I bring my coffee with me every morning and one morning another teacher stopped me and said

“Yeah, another coffee drinker.”

Then she gave me a warning. She said that once she had a parent stop her in the hall and ask

“Are you allowed to bring coffee into an elementary campus?”

Really – are you kidding me? One morning as I was taking a sip of my “morning joe” two third grade girls asked if I was drinking hot cocoa. I simply answered “No”. The one student whispered to the other “It is coffee.” Both girls put their hands over their mouths and started giggling as their teacher was being “naughty”. Again, drinking coffee, is not OK, but being rude to adults and teasing others who are different is accepted. CRAZY!!!

Another day I was in the library with a fifth grade class and the librarian read them a story about Jackie Robinson. The story revealed a lot about racism at the time and would have made a great lesson for fifth graders. I was thrilled and looked forward to what the librarian would teach after the story. All she said was, “So that is a great tale about the history of baseball.” What – that is it??? I wanted so badly to discuss the dangers of racism today – even against our current President, but I knew that would be looked down upon in lily white Draper Utah. I used to love teaching, especially about history and how we can learn so much from our past. I really wanted to be back in San Jose, California, teaching kids who knew first hand the ugliness of bigotry and discrimination. I felt like a failure that day!

So, I still love children, but I feel sad that we may be raising young people here who will never learn that it is OK to be different. Fear may keep them from the knowledge that other cultures, religions and places can make their lives better and more full. It is great to love who you are and to honor your faith. But faith should not lead to anger at those who don’t believe as you do. It is my hope that young people will learn that it takes more than just abstaining from coffee, alcohol, and premarital sex. Whatever your faith or lack thereof, it should be about how we treat our fellow human beings. We should not ever get so caught up in “the rules” that we forget how to behave towards one another. I only hope that this community and its teachers learn from the words of another great teacher,

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

Rufio, Rufio, Ru-Fi-OOOOO

Watch Peter and Rufio:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um8mMa5w41A

Twice a week my family sits in a high school gym rooting for my son's basketball team. We spend about five hours watching all three games and for the most part love every minute. We are a sports family and basketball is our favorite. However, we have found that here in Utah, the fans are extremely harsh. They yell at the refs, the coaches, the fans, the players and at other parents. It is rude and appalling.

I have written previously about crazy sports fans and their bad behavior. However, at kids sporting events it is particularly disconcerting. Last week's game truly topped the charts. After a traveling call by the referee, I hear a young voice to the right of me yell out,

“Go back to church ball, Ref!”

I look over and see this comment coming from a boy who could not have been more than four years old. Now, I think that was meant to be a put down, but being that we are not in attendance at church ball games, I would love my readers to fill me in. The point is, however, what was this tot doing yelling at a grownup? Where was the adult in his life teaching him about respect and manners? Oh... they were sitting next to him yelling even worse things at the referee. The hypocrisy in this state unbelievable. These same families sit in church and think they have moral superiority and yet they don't show common decency at at kid's ball game. It is truly crazy to me.

Well, I knew I would be sharing that story but I had no idea that things were about to get worse, much worse. Now, I do need to be fair before recounting this next incident. Our student fan section is organized, loud, funny, and sometimes quite obnoxious. There have been a few times that I have thought they crossed the line and did not represent their school with pride. Having said that, they do show up and support the team every game and for the most part they are good kids.

When the opposing team is shooting a free throw, they loudly jeer,

“Rufio, Rufio. Ru-fi-OOOOOOOOO!!”

Loud cheering during free throw shooting is common place at every level of basketball. So, while doing their regular “Rufio” chant during a free throw, a mom from the opposing team turned around and started screaming at our fan section.

HEY, "GAY BOYS", SHUT UP "GAY BOYS", RUFIO THIS "GAY BOYS", WHY AREN'T YOU OUT THERE "GAY BOYS", YOU CANT PLAY "GAY BOYS"....

I may not remember her exact verbage, but she must have said "gay boys" at least ten times. After her tirade, the parents sitting in her section gave her high fives. Are you kidding me??? I was mortified and our student section was also. The woman who ranted these hateful remarks is none other than the mother of a senior player, and NFL player. I know this because at halftime she and her son were introduced to the entire gym for Senior Night.

I am so sad that I live in a state where this kind of comment is accepted and rewarded. I should not be surprised. Despite the fact that I do need to judge this woman as an individual, I am well aware that she is a member of a church that has openly discriminated against the gay community. So, I do judge her and all of those who gave her the high fives. I may have a glass of wine with my meal and a cup of coffee in the morning, but I will NEVER behave in the ugly manner which I see on a regular basis in high school gyms. So... keep your supposed moral superiority and your shameful comments to yourself. I know who you really are, and so do all the others who witnessed your hideous display. I am sorry the teenagers upset you. But truth is just what Peter said to Rufio...

“YOU ARE JUST A PUNK KID......I WANT TO SPEAK TO A GROWN UP!!!!!”

"Words,Words, Words...."

Eliza Doolittle is another one of my favorite movie characters. In the wonderful song “Show Me” she proclaims to Freddy ….”Don’t talk of stars burning above, if you’re in love – SHOW ME!” Well, I suppose I can understand her frustration - actions do speak louder than words. However, I also know that words have enormous power and they changed Eliza’s life! Her newfound ability to communicate and use words in a different manner gave her opportunities she would never have had before.

I just finished an amazing book called The Book Thief by Mark Zusak. It is a WWII story about the power of words. In this book, words were the cause of much hardship, but also tremendous comfort. It was certainly a lesson in the value of all of our words and I loved it. I have been thinking about the book for days and pondering all the ways that words have influenced my life.

Words bring me pleasure, laughter, comfort, love, entertainment, fear, sorrow, and disappointment. A good book takes me places I thought I could never go and introduces me to characters that I love. Words can totally transform my world for a time. Lyrics from songs also evoke a vast range of feelings. I am moved by the words of great orators like Obama, King and Ghandi, and frightened by words of hate which are so prevalent during current times.

Whoever said, “Stick and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me” is pretty naive. Talk with anyone who has had a verbally abusive parent, spouse, boss, or friend and I think they will tell you they disagree. Words can hurt!!! Ask a child who has been the victim of a racial slur. Ask a student whose teacher has told them they were stupid or an athlete whose coach has verbally ripped them to shreds in front of teammates. Ask anyone who has had words used against them and they will surely tell you they are hurtful. It is, however, what you do with that hurt that counts. It is most definitely how you use your words that can mend not just your own wounds, but hopefully the wounds of others.

The main character in The Book Thief finds a source of healing in words. Through reading and writing she survives the insurmountable. This book will stay with me a long time and I am going to value all the words in my life more. Words can heal…. “I love you…..I am proud of you….I am sorry …what can I do to help…..” Words can truly be a gift. Thank you all for reading my words and following my blog. I am truly grateful!

Watch Eliza in all her glory: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8zyF0ZOy3k

"After All....Tomorrow is Another Day!!!"

Scarlett O’Hara has always been one of my favorite movie characters. My good friend recently asked me how I could possibly like her. Well, despite the fact that she was quite horrible at times, I admired her ability to move on and meet every challenge she faced. Although, I certainly didn’t approve of many of her actions, I wish I possessed more of her strength and will to survive whatever life brings.

As 2010 begins, my family is struggling with many transitions. My hope for this year is that we will make these changes in a smooth manner and that everyone will be content with the outcomes. Change is often frightening and the unknown causes a lack of sleep. I am going to try to make this year one that embraces all the upcoming changes in our lives. No doubt, this road may be rocky, but the four of us are accustomed to difficult paths. We are a family that gets stronger as things get more difficult. We rally around each other and are fierce in our support.

It is funny how when times are hard, you find out who is in your corner. Although it is disappointing when some are less than sympathetic or helpful, it is an important lesson to know who you can always count on. Over the years, we have been blessed with many friends that have helped us along the way and remain so grateful for their place in our lives. We have friends that have been a constant for over thirty years and friends that have recently become a part of our extended family. I cannot imagine our lives without all these fabulous people. So, knowing that we truly do have strong and loyal people behind us, my family will find our way through 2010 and no matter what it holds we will be content with that good fortune. I look forward to this year and know that although change is imminent, love and joy surround us. Today may look a bit cloudy, but “after all….tomorrow is another day!!"

Come Light the Menorah

Here I am in the midst of the holiday season and I am remarkably feeling free of the usual holiday stress and guilt. This year I have decided that I don’t really give a hoot about all the decorations and ridiculous shopping that goes along with the season. I usually feel so much pressure about my home and gift shopping that I get a little of the bah humbug thing going.

My house looks good, not great, but I am not doing any more. The Christmas tree is up (yes, this Jewish girl puts up a tree) and a few years ago I created a “Hanukkah Bush”. I am quite proud of the way our family has always celebrated the holiday season. I love the Christmas tree and in our home it has no religious significance – kind of like our jack-o-lanterns on Halloween. Of course, I also believe in Santa Claus and can prove he exists.

One year my adorable three year old son told everyone he knew and many he didn’t that

“Santa is bringing me a Volcano Blaster!”

Everywhere we went he repeated this statement. Now, “Santa” was in quite a panic as it seemed this particular toy was completely unavailable. Hysterical trips to toy stores near and far and loads of phone calls produced nothing. “Santa” was distraught and was certain there was going to be one very disappointed three year old on Christmas morning. About 7 p.m. on Christmas Eve, a phone call was received saying that someone had just returned a brand new, unopened “Volcano Blaster. So, of course, “Santa” got right in his sleigh and drove many miles just to make this darling little boy’s wish come true. Ever since that year, I am certain that Santa exists.

Despite my love of Santa and the Christmas tree, I do sometimes get a bit cranky about the abundance of Christmas and the lack of acknowledgement that not everyone celebrates the same way. Last year, I was ordering food at a takeout restaurant in December and they had green rice crispie treats. I asked the takeout server why they were green as I thought they looked pretty disgusting. She looks at me in shock and rolled her eyes at me.

"It's Christmas!!"

“Oh, OK, do you have any blue ones?”

She had no idea what I was talking about and I called her on it. My long suffering husband apologized to her and explained that it was also Hanukkah and blue was a Hanukkah color. The poor girl still had no idea what he was talking about, but accepted his apology on my behalf.

This year, I plan to enjoy all of holidays - candles and tree lights, menorahs and wreaths, latkes and cookies, dreidels and jingle bells. My family will share its traditions with others and we hope you will share yours with us. May everyone have a joy filled season and take advantage of all the festivities that surround you. Senator Orrin Hatch wrote a new Hanukkah song this year and he is quite proud of it. If this man can appreciate other people’s holidays, than I believe anything is possible!!!!!

"Fighting Words"

I don’t normally read the Sports section of the paper, but this morning the above headline caught my attention. This Saturday was the big rivalry football game here in Utah between the University of Utah and BYU. As with any other local rivalry, fans on both sides feel strongly about their team and often will demonize their opponents. Sports fans can be crazy sometimes. The difference with this rivalry is that like everything else here in Utah, there are religious undertones. BYU is associated with the predominant Mormon culture and Utah fans are considered to be the “others”. This is not necessarily true as there are many avid Utah fans who are LDS and the University of Utah has a large LDS population.

So, why does religion have to play such a big part in this rivalry? Why so much bigotry and ugly rhetoric from both sides? Even in sports, Utah cannot seem to get away from the strong religious divide that exists.

At last years game which took place at Rice Eccles Stadium at the U, BYU quarterback Max Hall’s family was treated horribly. They were verbally attacked and had beer dumped on them. Hall asserts that there were “vile comments personally attacking my wife, my mother, other family members, and our religion.” I find this conduct despicable. I do not blame this young man for being angry. I have been at many football games where wild fans have gotten out of hand and have seen numerous people escorted from stadiums. This bad behavior is not unique to University of Utah – it takes place all over the world at sporting events. I don’t understand it, and solving this odd human activity is a topic for another day.

This year, BYU was victorious and Max Hall obviously felt vindicated. Here is what he said to reporters after the game,

“I don’t like Utah. In fact, I hate them. I hate everything about them. I hate their program, I hate their fans, I hate everything….I think the whole university, their fans and their organization, is classless. They threw beer on my family and stuff last year, and they did a whole bunch of nasty things, and I don’t respect them, and they deserve to lose.”

As I said, I really do understand his anger, but a bunch of idiotic fans do not represent an entire university. We have had LDS people do and say some extremely cruel things to my family, and believe me I am very angry about it. However, I know they are just disturbed individuals who do not do a very good job representing their faith. I do not and will not hold an entire group responsible for the actions of a few misguided people.

Max Hall’s hate filled words also do not represent his school or his faith well. To Hall’s credit, he has apologized for some of his remarks. The problem is the damage is done. The blogosphere is going crazy with negativity from both sides. The mistrust and anger grows and frankly I am unbelievably tired of it. I wish I could just say - this is just football people, but I know the problem is so much deeper. We will forget about the “Y” vs. the “U” until next year, but the rift in Utah society is a daily struggle. Today, I vow to do my part to value everyone as an individual, regardless of race, religion, gender, and sexual preference. Can you vow to do the same??