"Definitely Not Wearing Any Underwear" Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man

Much controversy exists over secrecy in the Mormon religion. Mormon under garments are particularly mysterious to those of us outside the church. I have often heard these garments referred to as “secret underwear”. Now personally, I think all underwear should be secret. I don’t really want to know what anyone is wearing under their clothing! OK… some of you do – especially if those in question are Megan Fox or Brad Pitt. But really when thinking about your average Joe walking down the street, I hope not. So, why does anyone care that these unattractive bits of clothing are private? I think the answer lies in the fact that outsiders don’t know anything about how, why, or when a person receives these lovely gems. I have actually done some research and am thrilled to share these little bits of garment knowledge with all of you.

There is actually a website called: mormon-underwear .com and here is what it says:

“To millions of Mormons around the world, garments are a special piece of clothing worn as a symbolic gesture of the promises that they have made to God. The garment is always worn under other clothing, next to the skin. For most people who wear it, the garment takes the place of regular underwear. (For this reason, some people refer to the garment as Mormon undergarments or as Mormon underwear. Most LDS prefer simply using the term "garment" instead.)
The garment is directly related to Mormon temples. It is there that faithful members first receive the garment after individual instruction on what it stands for and how it should be cared for. The garment is worn as part of a special ceremony called the temple endowment. The garment is worn at all times (day and night) by members as a constant reminder of the promises they have made to God in the Temple to be honest and faithful to the commandments of the Lord.”

Wow! Now you know as much as I do. If “temple worthy” Mormons wear these garments at all times then that certainly leaves all kinds of questions that I with limited knowledge cannot answer. You will just have to use your imaginations. As for me and my underwear….I choose to keep them a secret but I can tell you this with regards to the eye-catching numbers pictured above – This California girl is definitely not wearing any underwear!!!!

“Go Ahead, Make My Day”

Remember that I wanted this blog to be interactive? I was hoping that all the "PLU'S" would share their stories about life in Utah. I know you are out there and I know you are reading. I run into people every day and hear their stories, so I'm just wondering – why no sharing ? What can I do to encourage you to write? I am not very good at begging, but half the fun is in knowing "People Like Us" are out there and we are not alone in this crazy life. Maybe Dirty Harry had it right. Let's see how his tactics work for encouragement. So….I dare you – "Go Ahead….Make My Day!!!!"

Wacky Wednesday

I picked up my friend at Salt Lake airport this Wednesday and it was certainly a uniquely Utah experience. My son and I stood at the bottom of the escalator surrounded by large families waiting for returned missionaries. There were the usual welcome home signs and hordes of people. The unusual part was just how many young men in black suits, conservative ties and Elder badges came down that escalator. Was there a returned missionary convention going on or something? We watched the same scene play out in front of us over and over again. Observing these homecomings made me hug my son too long and too tightly. “Mom…what are you doing???” he complained while trying to pull away from my embrace. I didn’t quite know – I just knew that I don’t even like it when he spends one night away for a sleepover. I told him this and got the typical teenage boy eyeroll. Later, I found out that missionaries usually come home on Wednesdays so there was no convention – it was just a regular Wednesday afternoon for the locals.
By the way, after at least 20 minutes of heartwarming reunions, I finally started to wonder what happened to my friends. I realized then that I was in the wrong terminal. I had gotten so caught up in the joyful homecomings that I didn’t realize I was in the wrong place. You thought I meant the returned missionaries were wacky didn’t you? Nope…. It’s me who wears that label!!!

Oh My What???????

Have I mentioned I’m a Californian? Just kidding I know you know, but I feel the need to say it again and again since I am still shell shocked by my move to Utah. I was raised in the San Fernando Valley, the home of the “Valley girl”. You know, the mall loving teenage girls who spout the phrase “OH MY GOD!!!” , hundreds of times a day. Here in Utah, that phrase is swearing – the equivalent to the “F” word really. Whenever my children and I used this expression we seemed to offend someone. Being very considerate people we tried hard to remove the phrase from our daily language. But the first time I heard someone exclaim, “Oh my heck!” I must admit I laughed my head off. I know that sounds rude, but REALLY, come on now it is funny. I am totally used to it now, but it is a rule in my house never to utter that phrase. If we do, I fear we have transformed into true Utahns and .....WE ARE CALIFORNIANS!!! Did I Mention that?

Wasting Away in Mockaritaville

We’ve established that Utah has archaic liquor laws. These are a result of the incredible influence the church has on every aspect of life in Utah. Mormons do not drink – which is just fabulous for them – but I enjoy an occasional cocktail. Once I ordered a margarita at a Mexican restaurant and the waitress asked “Would you like alcohol in it?” WHAT???? Was she deaf, I ordered a margarita – yes I want alcohol – that is kind of the point! Apparently I was wrong, as I just read an article in the Tribune about a new “urbane and trendy” restaurant in Provo that is “heavy on hip and free of booze.” The menu features “mocktails”. Are they crazy????....... Nope, not in Provo they aren’t! Suffice it to say Dave and I will not be frequenting this establishment – no pina-not-a -colada ‘s for us. I am not saying that drinking is hip or chic, but come on – order a cocktail or don’t – either option is fine. But… drinking something that looks like a cocktail and pretending to be hip, trendy or urbane it is just plain Silly!!!!

Be careful what you ask for!

Amy graduated yesterday and she looked beautiful! Everything went perfectly and we were all so proud. We did have a few laughs beforehand over the possibilities of what to wear under the cap and gown. The humor was provided by the school’s written instructions sent home for guidance on the issue of dress. Here’s the exact wordage:

Dress Code: Sunday Best
Males: conservative slacks, white shirt, tie, dress shoes and socks
Females: modest, conservative dress w/ dress shoes

Sunday Best?... Really???? I do know what they mean, but if we took that literally here is what would happen. Last Sunday Amy sunbathed most of the day in our backyard in her “best” bikini. I thought it was modest, but I have an inkling that’s not what the school had in mind.

In the winter, it is PJ’s all day at our house. We consider them “modest” too, but again probably not what the school envisioned. What would happen if Amy showed up in her “best” bikini or pajamas? That’s a rhetorical question – we all know what would happen.

Public schools shouldn’t assume that everyone does the same thing on Sunday. You know what they say about people who assume. They should be careful what they ask for – sometime they just might get it!!!

Amy was dressed appropriately at her graduation, but it definitely wasn’t in anything she has ever worn on a Sunday!

"I',m mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!" Network

My son had to miss one of his last soccer games this season. He had a conflict with a band concert at school. In our home, school always comes before sports. So… no problem – right? WRONG!!!! The trouble is the school changed the date because students complained about a conflict with a “temple event”. That’s correct – you heard me. This public school changed an event for an LDS religious function.

There is more and this part really burns me. A few months earlier, my son was elected president of the National Junior Honors Society. We were, of course, very proud. Unfortunately, David was unable to attend the induction ceremonies because the event was scheduled for the first night of Yom Kippur – the holiest day of the Jewish year. When I called the school, they would not even consider changing it and so I let my 14 year old decide what to do that evening. For the record, we are not particularly religious and don’t attend services often. However, my fabulous boy who literally hates going to the synagogue said to me

“Mom… I am not going to the induction ceremony because it is just wrong that they don’t care about anyone other than the Mormons.”

Quite a decision for him to make don’t you think? Anyway, this week when they did change the band concert and he had to miss his soccer game, something important to him, my son’s feelings were confirmed. He doesn’t matter at his school. The principal was very nice when I called him and even admitted the school was wrong, but what is done is done and I seriously doubt any changes will be made in the future. It is pathetic that all students are not valued - no matter where they worship. That is just life in Utah and somedays I feel mad as hell and I don’t think I can take it anymore!