"Forget About It" Donnie Brasco

A wise friend once told me that a person who is mean and stupid is not worth a single moment of your time. If a person is just mean, you might have a rational discussion by appealing to his or her intellect. If a person is not the sharpest tool in the shed, but kind – you may appeal to his or her heart. Mean and Stupid – “Forget about it!!!!”

So, I haven’t blogged for about a month now. I have been so content with my life that I didn’t feel the need to vent. Amy started college and David started a new high school. They are both blissfully happy and seem to be (at least for now) out from under the pressure cooker they felt last year. Amy loves that she is no longer in the minority and is surrounded with intelligent, open- minded, and diverse people. David is also in a more accepting and diverse school environment. Who knew that a simple change in location could bring about such a shift in our family’s comfort and happiness? That says a lot about living in Draper, Utah. I knew it was oppressive, but the unbelievable lightness in my children’s attitude and demeanor really reveals how miserable they were before.

I am moved to write today because that two by four (Utah Mormon culture) smacked by daughter upside the head. For the umpteenth time, one of her high school friends (if you can really call it a friend) called her a non-practicing Jew. It must make them feel better about their friendship with her to make such an absurd remark. They have the audacity to think because we do not practice our religion in the same manner in which they practice theirs, they can rattle off such a mean and stupid comment. Amy is mortified that she is accused of “just saying she is Jewish because she thinks it is cool.” Seriously, what is wrong with these people?????? Amy and I chatted a long time about this strange place and she feels tremendous relief that she is finally “out of there!” Narrow minds and ignorance no longer hurt her as she now inhabits a place where people can disagree without being disagreeable.

So after our conversation, I was reminded of the words of my dear friend about those people who are mean and stupid. Call us crazy – but this family will stick to people who are kind hearted and intelligent. Thank goodness we know what that looks like - it is part of our culture. So for those of you who fit into the other category – “FORGET ABOUT IT!!!”

"You Can't Handle the Truth!"

Many people have been curious about why I started blogging. The truth is I was going little crazy (evidenced in my last blog), and needed an outlet. I was determined to find a positive way to express my frustrations and since people often laughed when I told them my zany tales, I thought that just maybe I could write the stories down and try and find humor in all my daily encounters with Utah culture.

So, for those of you care, blogging has helped me tremendously. I now see a story almost everywhere and it has been fun and challenging to share those stories with you. I have been pleasantly surprised at how many LDS readers have appreciated how I approach things and have thanked me for giving them an insight into what it feels like to be an outsider. I have also gotten comments from many “PLU’S” who can totally relate to my experiences. I am happy they have found me and look forward to hearing more from them. However, a few readers have not been so enthusiastic. Unfortunately, it seems a few people were offended by my anecdotes. That was certainly never my intention. I just try to be honest about my life and feelings and add a touch of humor to both. I poke fun at myself as much as I do at Utah. I do appreciate all the commentary I am getting – and am pleased it is mostly positive. To those who fail to find any humor or empathy I ask what do you want from me?

“You want answers?”

“I want the truth!”

“You Can’t Handle the Truth!”

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!"

About six months ago I met my husband, Dave, for lunch at the Gateway. Afterwards, I decided to do a little shopping. Now, I don’t think I have mentioned how much I love shopping. I was raised on the basic principle that:

There isn’t a problem that can’t be solved, if the answer means there is shopping involved!!

So, I am blissfully strolling through the streets… in my element …. thinking there is nothing that could spoil this lovely day. I wander into Brighton and head straight for the jewelry. You cannot imagine the sheer pleasure I get from this display of trinkets. I am trying on an absolutely adorable charm bracelet when this woman in the store decides to LOUDLY share a story about her son leaving on his mission. She literally starts to give a speech about the event. She continues her saga and the two sales people are so entranced they are nearly moved to tears. Since I am the only other person in this very small store, they glance over in my direction waiting for me to join in on the love fest. They clearly can not figure out why I am not captivated by this story and they stare at me as if I were some kind of freak. Really!!! Don’t they notice that I am shopping here? Does religion have to follow me everywhere? Well, this little episode sends me right over the edge. I drop the bracelet, and run out of the store in tears.

Silly? You bet!

Immature? Yep!

Real? Absolutely!!!

I sat on a bench outside of Brighton for about fifteen minutes and sobbed. I felt so sad, alone, and very stupid. Why had I let this loud mouth woman intrude on my delightful shopping excursion? I have nothing against her pride in her son and his mission, but staring at me like I was from Mars was rude and mean. Well…guess what missy? In the words of the handsome and smooth Rhett Butler, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!”

"They're Here"

Today I went to Costco. I would consider this biweekly experience to be fairly mundane. The thing is – and I may have mentioned this before – even mundane things can make me feel like an outsider. Costco in Sandy, Utah looks just like any other Costco ON THE OUTSIDE! Inside is a whole different matter. I shop amidst dozens of large blonde families loading their carts with Dinosaur nuggets, and more milk than my family consumes in a couple of months. I stroll by “modest dresses”, yearly food storage paraphernalia and a special display of LDS artwork. Occasionally I am taken aback by a group of polygamists dressed in stereotypical fashion. So, for those of you living elsewhere this probably doesn’t sound mundane. Your head might just be spinning around not knowing which direction to gawk at first. I am fairly used to it by now. However, today I was specifically struck by the book section. I thought I might share a small sampling of what I saw there. For some reason, I found it particularly attention grabbing.

I actually think a Jewish family handbook might come in handy occasionally, although I am positive my family would not concur.

Not my cup of tea, but OK.

From what I understand it should be made easier, so this should please a lot of people.

Remember in the glossary that Beyond the Veil is the after life. I have some friends that would love this one!

My thoughts exactly!!!

Kind of like the Junior League Cookbook for Mormons.

I admit, I am just teasing about the other books, but seriously this one really ticked me off!!!!!!!!

I'm not sure why I noticed this today. I guess it just seems that no matter where I go or what I do as long as I live in Utah there will always be subtle reminders that “They’re Here!” The truth is, however, the real Poltergeist seems to be me.

"A Kiss is Just A Kiss"

Not in Salt Lake City it isn’t!!!!!! For about ten days there has been a serious buzz here in the Beehive State about an innocent kiss on Main Street Plaza. Apparently, two men were walking home from a downtown concert and one put his arm around the other and kissed him on the cheek. An LDS Temple security guard apparently felt that this kiss was “inappropriate behavior” and he asked the men to leave the area. The men got angry and it seems weren’t very nice to the security guard. In the end they were handcuffed and cited for trespassing.

Two weekends in a row there have been “kiss ins” on the plaza in protest of church actions. Can you imagine… dozens of couples – gay and straight – just kissing right out in public? Being from San Francisco I can actually imagine it, but here in Utah the church is outraged – the community is outraged, and the Salt Lake Tribune devotes several articles every day to the incident. Really?????

Where do I begin??? I have so much to say about this event that my head feels like it may EXPLODE! In my humble opinion the LDS church does have the right take this action on their property. I, in turn, have the right to think the church is bigoted and unfair. This kiss was deemed inappropriate only because it was a gay couple doing the kissing. I have seen photos (ad nauseum) of couples just married in the temple kissing in the very same spot these men chose to display a bit of harmless affection. Honestly…. the church doesn’t get why people outside of this state think they are nuts?

Here is a situation to ponder. Two young men show up on MY property and behave in ways I think are extremely inappropriate(telling me their religion is superior to mine) and I ask them nicely to leave. They are upset and they think I am discriminating against them and who they are and they get a bit perturbed. Should I have them handcuffed and arrested for trespassing on my property? Would any of my Mormon friends ever speak to me again? Well, let’s just say I know the answers and so do you. The thing is – it would be within my rights to have them arrested and it would be within the rights of my friends to be angry with me. Missionaries are sacred to them and they don’t deserve to be discriminated against just because I don’t approve of proselytizing. If you are a rational human being, you will realize the same should go for those two men exchanging a kiss on Main Street Plaza. If you don’t approve of this gay couple– fine – but…. having them arrested is gross discrimination. So listen up – church members – if you want respect you just might want to try giving some!! I hold out hope that we can find mutual respect and understanding so that truly “A Kiss is just a Kiss, a sigh is just a sigh, the fundamental things apply….As Time Goes By.”

"Definitely Not Wearing Any Underwear" Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man

Much controversy exists over secrecy in the Mormon religion. Mormon under garments are particularly mysterious to those of us outside the church. I have often heard these garments referred to as “secret underwear”. Now personally, I think all underwear should be secret. I don’t really want to know what anyone is wearing under their clothing! OK… some of you do – especially if those in question are Megan Fox or Brad Pitt. But really when thinking about your average Joe walking down the street, I hope not. So, why does anyone care that these unattractive bits of clothing are private? I think the answer lies in the fact that outsiders don’t know anything about how, why, or when a person receives these lovely gems. I have actually done some research and am thrilled to share these little bits of garment knowledge with all of you.

There is actually a website called: mormon-underwear .com and here is what it says:

“To millions of Mormons around the world, garments are a special piece of clothing worn as a symbolic gesture of the promises that they have made to God. The garment is always worn under other clothing, next to the skin. For most people who wear it, the garment takes the place of regular underwear. (For this reason, some people refer to the garment as Mormon undergarments or as Mormon underwear. Most LDS prefer simply using the term "garment" instead.)
The garment is directly related to Mormon temples. It is there that faithful members first receive the garment after individual instruction on what it stands for and how it should be cared for. The garment is worn as part of a special ceremony called the temple endowment. The garment is worn at all times (day and night) by members as a constant reminder of the promises they have made to God in the Temple to be honest and faithful to the commandments of the Lord.”

Wow! Now you know as much as I do. If “temple worthy” Mormons wear these garments at all times then that certainly leaves all kinds of questions that I with limited knowledge cannot answer. You will just have to use your imaginations. As for me and my underwear….I choose to keep them a secret but I can tell you this with regards to the eye-catching numbers pictured above – This California girl is definitely not wearing any underwear!!!!

“Go Ahead, Make My Day”

Remember that I wanted this blog to be interactive? I was hoping that all the "PLU'S" would share their stories about life in Utah. I know you are out there and I know you are reading. I run into people every day and hear their stories, so I'm just wondering – why no sharing ? What can I do to encourage you to write? I am not very good at begging, but half the fun is in knowing "People Like Us" are out there and we are not alone in this crazy life. Maybe Dirty Harry had it right. Let's see how his tactics work for encouragement. So….I dare you – "Go Ahead….Make My Day!!!!"