If we are being honest, we have all felt that kind of frustration and have certainly wanted to behave just like Martin did. Sometimes, there really is no better word than fuck! Having said that, I know two things. One, the word may be highly offensive to many, including most of the Mormons here in Utah. And two, the word is over used and is not funny just for the sake of saying it. Teenage and twenty something people use it far too often, my son included! I have asked him on several occasions to limit it in his vocabulary, but so far my requests have fallen on deaf ears. I do hope he will outgrow the habit!
The reason I am writing about it today, has to do with an incident at my son's men's basketball league. Apparently, David fumbled the ball and lost it out of bounds. In frustration, David was angry with himself and muttered something along the lines of "Are you fucking kidding me?" The referee heard it and tee'd him up and he was forced to sit for 10 minutes. He may have deserved the technical and he understood it! That is not the issue here. At half time, he approached the referee and tried to apologize. He put his hand on the ref's shoulder and said he was sorry and did not mean to offend him. The ref said "Get your hands off me now!" David said he looked at him as if he was dirt on the bottom of his shoe. My son thinks he is a badass, but is actually pretty sensitive. This guy really hurt his feelings and made him angry. When he told me about it, he said "Mom I am so tired of being judged by people in this state. I was trying to apologize and he treated me like I was a terrible person. I can't wait to get out of here!"
Again, I may need to repeat for the judgmental folk out there, that David should not have used that language and he tried to apologize for it. What was unfair, but typical was the way he was treated afterward. I understand that this word is offensive to some and I can respect that. Yet, I will never respect treating people in a cruel manner. If this referee has never heard this word before, then he is new to the job. It is bantered about on the court all over, including in Utah and not just by non-Mormons. It is not the best way to handle frustration, but it absolutely does not make you a bad person!
My son is a great kid and this incident really bothered him. He checked into the league rules and found the policy. He was pretty taken a back by what he discovered. Here is his facebook post,
"So this a official rule in my mens league:
“F-Word Rule”: Any player, coach or bench personnel that say the four letter “F-word” loud enough to be heard by the referee(s), score keeper and/or game personnel will be ejected from the current game and the next 2 games
Ummm excuse me, this is a mens league, not a kindergarten class. Only in Utah would this rule even exist. What exactly is the "4 letter f word", FART? FOUL? Aren't we adults here? In my family I was raised to not use the "3 letter f word" which gets said constantly in this state and no one seems to mind. You know the one that actually offends an individual. But by all means go out of your way to make some B.S. rule for a word that gets flung around all sports by ALL types of people, not just us "sinners"."
I love this! He actually does listen to his mother! We never use derogatory terms about other people's race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. in our home. That is the kind of language that we find offensive and is never tolerated. All my son's friends know this fact and have learned to respect it. Yet, the reality is that the community we live in tolerates these slurs all the time and at all levels. Religion may curtail what they think is "foul" language, but I would argue that the other words are far more offensive and hurtful! So, judge me and my family as you choose. I am comfortable with how we behave and who we are. If you don't like it, then you, my friend, and I mean this with love in my heart, can fuck right off!