"Whoa...Dream Big!'

I had a lovely lunch last week with my fabulous daughter and a few of her friends. Her life is good and she is very happy. She is thriving at school and enjoys the independence of living on her own. She is challenged in her classes and loves learning in the college environment. Most of all, she loves the freedom to be herself and to express her opinions. Her fellow students come from all over the world. They are democrats, republicans and independents. They are Christians, Jews, Muslims, and Atheists. They are straight and gay. They are a rainbow of colors and backgrounds.

Debate and discussion are encouraged at her university. When students have differing opinions, they are talked about in a civil manner. Ridicule and name calling are not necessary in a place where respect for diversity is the rule of behavior.

I am so proud that she feels comfortable in that type of environment. It confirms that we raised her to be a loving, accepting and open minded human being. In hindsight, our move to Utah helped to strengthen the core values we taught her. It actually showed her exactly what kind of person she did not want to be.

Many of my closet friends are of different faiths and do not share my political beliefs. So what? We care about each other and we know that good people come in all shapes and sizes. My children grew up living that basic truth. Thank goodness they won’t ever settle for all the same! For the many young people who are afraid to branch out and accept others who are different, I say “Whoa…Dream Big!”

"There's No Place Like Home"

Last weekend was the LDS General Conference. For those of you living outside of the Beehive State who are not LDS, you have probably never heard of this event. Twice a year, members of LDS church meet in Salt Lake and discuss various topics relevant to the church. These two Sundays, are the only two Sundays all year that members are not required to attend church. Instead, many families gather together and watch the conference on TV.

During General Conference a few years ago, my family went out for dinner at a local Italian restaurant. This restaurant usually gets pretty crowded on a Saturday night. We were enjoying our pasta, when I looked around the dining room and realized the only two men in the restaurant were my husband and son. This seemed a bit strange and we all noted that this must be some sort of “girl’s night out”. Actually, we learned later, that on Saturday evening during Conference weekend there is a “priesthood meeting”. All LDS men and boys over 13 attend.

This, of course, is no big deal. It was just another evening where we realized we were different from most of our neighbors. That happens a lot in a place where the vast majority of people worship the same way. It is probably similar to Baptist communities in the South or Jewish communities in New York. There might be great comfort in living amongst people who are just like you. I wouldn’t know as until I moved to Utah, I have always lived in very diverse communities. Although Utah’s quality of life and beauty make it a nice place to live, I long to return to a place where I dine with all types of people. Everyone gets to decide for themselves which kind of place they want to inhabit. What should be true for all of us is that...

“There is No Place Like Home!”

"Lighten Up Francis!"

I love people with a sense of humor. Frankly, being able to laugh at all the things life is bound to throw at you is a great skill. We laugh in our house A LOT!!! We laugh at ourselves and those around us. Dave’s family has a tradition of really teasing those they love. It is considered a sign of affection. Dave loves me loads – hence I am the butt of many jokes. Over the years I have had to develop a thick skin.

That thick skin serves me well. Now, I am not going to lie. I am a sensitive soul who can get her feelings hurt, but within our family I know most of the banter is all in good fun. I guess I have even picked up on this habit, as I do poke fun at things that amuse me, irritate me, or just confuse me. I wish I could do it more often, as when I do, I am a happier person and clearly more fun to be around. Nothing feels better than making someone laugh.

I hope my readers will continue to laugh along with me and put up with my occasional serious side. Next time we feel angry or unpleasant, let’s all just take a moment, breathe, and “Lighten Up Francis!”

"Hello Gorgeous"

I have had a request from a reader to write about the positive aspects of living in Utah. I am happy to do just that. Utah is an unbelievably gorgeous place. The mountains are breathtaking and I never tire of looking at them. They are visible from just about anywhere and we can enjoy them even while sitting outside at our favorite pizza place. The view from my back yard is spectacular and I am thankful every day that I am lucky enough to live surrounded by such beauty.

Our family also prefers the slower pace of life here. It seemed in Northern California, we never had any down time. Sports were seven days a week. The kids had loads more homework and Dave worked and commuted more hours a day. Family has great value here and as a result, we have more time to spend with each other. I know that the Mormon Church has instilled that value in its followers. I love that and am grateful for it.

I have two teenagers and Utah has without a doubt been a safe place to raise them. The issues that face so many teens in our nation are just not as prevalent here in Utah. While I am certain there are teens here that are drinking and doing drugs – my impression is that it is A LOT less. The same goes for teens and sex. I am not so naïve to think that some kids aren’t having sex, but not the majority for sure. Peer pressure is to NOT do these things and that has made it easier for my kids. They don’t struggle with “Just Say No” since they are not asked to participate. Their friends are good kids from nice families!!! What kind of parent wouldn’t like that????

So there you have it - despite my frustrations with living in this homogenous state, we have a good quality of life and the natural splendor brings me joy and keeps me sane. From the moment I open my eyes each morning, I see those magnificent mountains and every day I feel like Streisand - “Hello Gorgeous!”

"Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall..."

Have you ever played the game telephone? Remember, how the first person tells the second person something and the information gets passed around in a circle and usually by the time it gets back to the original person, the information has been totally distorted. My theory is that everyone hears what they want to hear and interprets the exact same thing in a completely different manner. Then, they take their interpretation and actually change the original message.

So it doesn’t surprise me that this has been the case with my blog. Occasionally, I read a comment and think – “Did this person read what I wrote?” Apparently, a couple of readers are determined to make me the “bad guy”. I am OK with this as I know my heart and my actions. I look in the mirror every day and am comfortable with the woman looking back at me. I am not perfect, by any means, but I know that I am kind to everyone and do my best to judge each person as an individual. I have taught these values to my children and as a result they are at ease with themselves and with others who are different.

I have lived in Utah for four years and have found the people here are in general, polite, helpful, and pleasant. However, I have also found many of them to be tremendously judgmental of those outside of their circles. I do believe that this is mostly a result of lack of exposure to people of different faiths, cultures and lifestyles. Like it or not, this has been rough on my family. I don’t get why that offends some people, but it does. Truth is - I don’t care. I tell my story, and you can’t change it to fit what makes you comfortable. You get your own story and I get mine.

So - read at your own risk – if this blog upsets you, it is my guess that is because you may see some of yourself in these recollections. Try this – “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…..”

Looking in the mirror can be frightening if you aren’t comfortable with your own reflection.

"Forget About It" Donnie Brasco

A wise friend once told me that a person who is mean and stupid is not worth a single moment of your time. If a person is just mean, you might have a rational discussion by appealing to his or her intellect. If a person is not the sharpest tool in the shed, but kind – you may appeal to his or her heart. Mean and Stupid – “Forget about it!!!!”

So, I haven’t blogged for about a month now. I have been so content with my life that I didn’t feel the need to vent. Amy started college and David started a new high school. They are both blissfully happy and seem to be (at least for now) out from under the pressure cooker they felt last year. Amy loves that she is no longer in the minority and is surrounded with intelligent, open- minded, and diverse people. David is also in a more accepting and diverse school environment. Who knew that a simple change in location could bring about such a shift in our family’s comfort and happiness? That says a lot about living in Draper, Utah. I knew it was oppressive, but the unbelievable lightness in my children’s attitude and demeanor really reveals how miserable they were before.

I am moved to write today because that two by four (Utah Mormon culture) smacked by daughter upside the head. For the umpteenth time, one of her high school friends (if you can really call it a friend) called her a non-practicing Jew. It must make them feel better about their friendship with her to make such an absurd remark. They have the audacity to think because we do not practice our religion in the same manner in which they practice theirs, they can rattle off such a mean and stupid comment. Amy is mortified that she is accused of “just saying she is Jewish because she thinks it is cool.” Seriously, what is wrong with these people?????? Amy and I chatted a long time about this strange place and she feels tremendous relief that she is finally “out of there!” Narrow minds and ignorance no longer hurt her as she now inhabits a place where people can disagree without being disagreeable.

So after our conversation, I was reminded of the words of my dear friend about those people who are mean and stupid. Call us crazy – but this family will stick to people who are kind hearted and intelligent. Thank goodness we know what that looks like - it is part of our culture. So for those of you who fit into the other category – “FORGET ABOUT IT!!!”

"You Can't Handle the Truth!"

Many people have been curious about why I started blogging. The truth is I was going little crazy (evidenced in my last blog), and needed an outlet. I was determined to find a positive way to express my frustrations and since people often laughed when I told them my zany tales, I thought that just maybe I could write the stories down and try and find humor in all my daily encounters with Utah culture.

So, for those of you care, blogging has helped me tremendously. I now see a story almost everywhere and it has been fun and challenging to share those stories with you. I have been pleasantly surprised at how many LDS readers have appreciated how I approach things and have thanked me for giving them an insight into what it feels like to be an outsider. I have also gotten comments from many “PLU’S” who can totally relate to my experiences. I am happy they have found me and look forward to hearing more from them. However, a few readers have not been so enthusiastic. Unfortunately, it seems a few people were offended by my anecdotes. That was certainly never my intention. I just try to be honest about my life and feelings and add a touch of humor to both. I poke fun at myself as much as I do at Utah. I do appreciate all the commentary I am getting – and am pleased it is mostly positive. To those who fail to find any humor or empathy I ask what do you want from me?

“You want answers?”

“I want the truth!”

“You Can’t Handle the Truth!”